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One Bad Apple (Column No.1464)

One Bad Apple (Column No.1464)

One Bad Apple.


My last iPhone wasan iPhone 3, the girl in the shop remarked “I collect those”.


Back then I was soexcited. The packaging was fantastic, and all the cool kids had one.


Alas it quicklydawned that the iPhone 3 was not all it was cracked up to be, which is exactlywhat happened three days later, and it had to go back to Guatemala for repairs.


In truth it didsome things very well, others not so much, a few badly, and you still neededyour Nokia, Samsung or Motorola to bridge the gaps.


So when purchasinga new phone recently I reasoned that surely they would have sorted out theflaws and adopted the good bits of other phones, to go with the new iPhone 13’scamera, allegedly the best thing since the Hubble telescope.


Alas Apple havelearned nothing since 1893 and really push the limits of truth in calling it asmart phone. It is completely stupid, although clearly not as stupid as thepeople who buy them.


Bizarrely, iPhoneusers, like antivaxxers and some religious adherents, appear not to care aboutshortcomings and flock cult-like to the Apple store every two years for theirindoctrination top-up.


Disappointmentwith iPhones starts immediately. You can’t individualise your ring tone. Unlessyou call marimba a choice. More a call to prayer or a hypnotic trigger really.There’s even one called Hillsong, or something like that.


How do you knowwhose phone is ringing?




Some apps workwell, admittedly, and you think momentarily ‘I love my iPhone’…until you try toexit the app.


Sometimes youswipe up, sometimes exit is top left, sometimes top right, others, um, sorry, Ihaven’t found how to get out of some yet.


Samsungs need justone thumb to do everything, and it doesn’t matter which. Why can’t Apple copythe good bits?


Closing all appson an iPhone takes an hour. Samsung, one click, one thumb.


Opening the iPhoneis crucial and facial recognition is clever, except Ms L’s phone doesn’trecognise her in the morning and donning a mask renders it completely useless.Sometimes you have to press a button to use face recognition. WTF?


If you have to pressa button, why have facial recognition?


But that camera isa beauty…until you drop it. Which you will.


Nevertheless,everyone agrees, as a Christmas present it’s hard to go past iPhone packaging.You don’t even have to wrap it.


Better put aSamsung in the Christmas stocking though or there’ll be tears on Christmas day.


Maybe just givewine for Christmas and put a deposit on a house with the money you saved.


Smith & HooperWrattonbully Cabernet Sauvignon Merlot 2019, $21. These bottles make ideal Xmaspresents because the bottles are embossed and look really exxy, yet only cost20 bucks and you get 750 mls of pretty smart wine to boot. 9.1/10.


Smith and HooperWrattonbully Pinot Grigio 2021, $21. Paradoxically for a white wine, this iswarm without being hot, as gris and grig' can be. Like Gina Rhinehart, it's alittle bit rich and even a tad gewurzy'. 9.2/10.


Littles HunterValley Cabernet Shiraz Merlot 2014, $18. Apple released iPhone 6 in 2014, andwhich would you rather now? Reminiscent of Parisian bistro or Berlin bar‘house’ wines, it's a great wine for, well, reminiscing or rueing being stuckat home for two years. 8.9/10. 


Parish VineyardCoal River Valley (Tas) Single Estate Riesling 2020, $30. Just a smidge shy ofhard up against the left on the riesling scale, this would be a lovely matchfor an election party, specially with a leftie victory. Dry as Paul Keating'swit and just as enjoyable. 9.4/10.


DalfarrasSangiovese Rosé 2021, $20. The colour of pomegranate is so alluring you could almosttaste that. Suitably different, delightful rosé, perfect for unboxing a phoneon xmas day or as a gift itself, although it’s carbon zero, so not forcoalition types. 9.2/10.


Dalfarras VictoriaNero d'Avola 2019, $20. Strikingly nero and deceptively light, 13 percent, agreat wine over which to ponder how much you'll get for your iPhone on ebay.9.3/10.