Tradies or just a bunch of tools? Column No.1455

Tradies or just a bunch of tools having a riot of a time?

Look, all these supposed tradie riots going on in Melbourne are clearly not being carried out by tradies. Anyone who has had anything to do with tradies would see that instantly.

For a start these riots didn’t even start until 9am. A tradies day is half over by then. All tradies start at 6am, stand around yacking loudly, comparing footy and cooking tips before dawdling off to start their power tolls on the chime of 7am.

Also, where was the sign-on? Where was the Toolbox? No tradie is going to start work without signing on or hanging around for the Toolbox Talk and warm-up exercise session lead by the foreman. Geez, mate, something goes wrong, and they discover you missed Toolbox, you’re outta there with a window seat.

Where were their utes with their annoying beeping, airburst reversing warnings…ksshht, ksshht, ksshht…?

There were mobiles gong off all over the place. Not on, on a job site or a riot site. Tradies know that.

And what about the PPE the rioters were wearing. It was all correct. That never happens.

Not a single short sleeve rolled up, and where were the gloves and safety glasses dangling out of pockets when they should have been wearing them?

If you’re going to smash up a building you’ve gotta have all the correct PPE and wear it incorrectly.

Where was their SWIMS (more correctly SWMS – Safe Work Method Statements)? You can’t demolish a building and block traffic without one of those. That would be a 25-page document easy. Imagine how big it would be for riot? Completely uneconomical.

Where was the traffic control?

Most of all it was very clear they weren’t tradies rioting, the CFMMEU building is still standing and so is John Setka.

Had they done the job like a proper tradie, the site would be ready for the next build and John Setka would be enjoying the view at the bottom of Port Philip Bay from the comfort of his concrete steel-caps.

Lastly it is abundantly obvious they weren’t real tradies rioting because many of them were drinking. For all their foibles, rolled up sleeves, untied bootlaces, and lack of earmuffs, any self-respecting tradie knows better than that.

But I don’t. So, what’s a nice wine for a riot?

Shottesbrooke McLaren Vale Reserve Series 'The Proprietor' (Cabernet-Merlot-Malbec), 2016, $60. We can all drink like a boss (or Union boss)…if we've got $60 to splash around on a red. Chances are mostly proprietors will be sipping this, so maybe it's time to start sucking up in the hope they will share. The Christmas party is coming up. 9.5/10.

Shottesbrooke McLaren Vale Reserve Series 'Eliza', 2018, $65. Gee, for $5 more than The Proprietor, I reckon you get a noticeable leap in quality and character, but you might want to get one each for yourself just to see. Cabernet fans may beg to differ. 9.6/10.

Baddaginnie Run Central Victoria Rosé 2021, $17. The pale pink of Provence can sway even the hardest heart. That it's a delicious and characterful plonk too is a plus. Noice and tradies would love it. 9.3/10.

Baddaginnie Run Strathbogie Ranges Verdelho 2021, $17. Verdelhos used to be such insipid things, like some of those rioters. Couldn't throw a brick, can't smash a window. But no longer, this is a real tradie verdelho. 9/10.

RedHeads Barossa Valley Whip Hand Cabernet Sauvignon 2018, $50. Barossa cabernet is a much-underrated beast, and in keeping with the label graphics, would go well with horse, either as company or an accompaniment. Delicious stuff. 9.5/10.

RedHeads McLaren Vale 'March of Progress' Shiraz 2019, $30. It can be a fine line between a march of progress and a march of disgrace sometimes, or a thin blue line at others. Sadly there’s only a wine for one of them. 9.3/10.

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